Top Chef: Restaurant Wars!

Last night was the highly anticipated, at least for me, restaurant wars episode of Top Chef: DC and it was wild. Beware of the recap below, I'm not going to have very good things to say this week...

Quick fire challenge: same as last year, two teams of four members compete in a blindfolded relay of sorts. Each member in turn prepares one dish for the team while the other members are blinded to what is going on until it's their turn. Team Kevin, Kenny, Kelly, and Amanda beat out team Ed, Tiffany, Angelo, and Alex. Alex is blamed for over seasoning the fish, a blaming trend that will continue throughout the episode. The quick fire special guest judge was none other than Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, very, very cool.

Elimination challenge: restaurant wars!! The same teams (we'll call them team Angelo and team Kenny since they both took the lead of their teams) battle it out in a mock restaurant opening. Each team member has to prepare a dish for the restaurant while one member also is responsible for running the front of the house. Team Angelo delegates Alex to front of the house duties and pretty much doesn't let him do anything but prep work, all the while running around like crazy people, apparently highly unorganized. Team Kenny snickers at the other team, really confident that they have the competition in the bag with their calm, cool, and collected demeanor. Naturally team Kenny loses and the leader, Kenny, is sent home for basically making two of the worst dishes.

Thoughts on the episode:

I don't care what anyone says about Nancy Pelosi, I think she's a great Speaker. I believe she single-handedly saved Health Care Reform (such as it is) when Obama was about to give in and begin some major compromises. She's a great leader and exceptional vote getter and counter in the House.

Yes, yes, yes, we get it, Kenny's a beast. It's getting a little old but I guess we don't have to worry about hearing about it any longer.

Though I really don't like Alex, I have to say I kind of felt sorry for him this episode. He not only got dumped on by the opposing team but also his own team. I believe his own team should have let him fully prepare his own dish. If it turned out so terrible like they suspected it would be his ass on the line.

Alex directing the front of the house staff was a bit painful to watch. He was a complete Nazi, or so the Bravo editing monkeys would have you believe. If he was that snotty to me I would have walked out on his ass or taken my shitty wine key and shoved it in his eye.

The team restaurant names were once again stupid this year. Team 2121 wasn't nearly as cringe inducing as team EVOO (extra virgin olive oil). Insert eye roll here.

I'm really disappointed in all the asshattery that went on last night. No contestants endeared themselves to me with the shady way they all ganged up on Alex. Kenny was especially bad when he complained to the judges that it should have been Alex on the cutting block and not his team. Suck it up and own the terrible food you made cry baby. Kevin was also just as bad with his temper tantrum in the dry storage holding area. If I was Alex I would have slapped him in the face like the little bitch that he is. Even Tiffany, someone I was really starting to dig, was being a complete hag.

I think Amanda may be my current favorite contestant, how sick is that? By the way, what is that just above her upper lip? A beauty mark or a herpe? If it's a cold sore, how terrible to get to share that on national television!

Next week on Top Chef: cooking for Leon Panetta and the CIA. Could be fun.

My "Bye Felicia" award goes to all the chefs. They all deserve to be sent home for their general lack of professionalism and douschebaggery! Chefs, bye Felicia, it's your turn to be thrown under the bus.

Next chef out: most likely Alex but I'm to the point where I don't really care. I think I hate them all. In fact I think they should all whip up a batch of poisoned Flavor Aid and commit mass suicide...