Friday, November 17, 2006
Another perfect score! WOW! Read the review here.
Tip #1: Dress the Part
If you’re camping overnight for a game console, you’re clearly a nerd and you must dress for the occasion. Show up in an Ecko sweater and you will be mocked. True gaming nerds get their clothing from places like ThinkGeek or Hot Topic. If your threads don’t feature a 1UP mushroom or the Contra code, then you’re a fucking n00b and should just turn around now and go home. Remember, first impressions are everything. Do you want this ragtag group of nerdlings to think, “Oh, he’s a Hilfiger faggot” or “Daaaamn, he’s going old-school with that Strider tee!”
Tip #2: Make Friends with those at the Front
The ones who stand in the front of the line hold all the power. Most likely, these uber-nerds have been there since 5pm the night before and have already made small chat with the manager several times. They know exactly how many consoles will be available and how the whole thing will go down in the morning. That information is priceless.
Tip #3: Bring a Handheld System
Nothing gives you more insta-cred than whipping out a DS lite while waiting for the sun to rise. Not only does it validate your nerdocity, but it can be a great way to spark conversations with others.
“Hey, is that DS lite?”
Isn’t that amazing? That right there has bonded you two for life.
Tip #4: Don’t Be Yourself; Make Yourself Seem Intriguing!
Let’s face it; you’re standing in front of an EBgames at 2am on a Saturday night waiting for the Wii. You suck at life. However, those in line don’t know that yet. They think you’re just like them; dedicated fans that just by freak accident happened to have the weekend free for the 245th week in a row.
In order to gain the respect of others, put on a façade and say things that’ll spark the interest of others around you, even if they are bald-faced lies. For example, say the following: “Ah yea, the Wii was awesome when I played it at E3 this year.”
I guarantee you that every head will turn. The nerds will feel honored to be in the presence of someone who has traveled to the Promised Land that is the Los Angeles Convention Center in mid-May. You will be a mini-celebrity and you may even get Sum Poosie out of it.
Tip #5: Turn Away as Many People as You Can
You’re there for one thing and one thing only: to get yourself a console. It is in your best interest to dissuade as many people as possible from lining up with you. While you may get a console before them, they may beat you to the accessories aisle and take the only extra nunchuck controller available.
As morning breaks, you’ll see a large inflow of people. Many will drive by in their car and ask, “Are there any left?”
Ask them if they want a PS3 or Wii. When they name their system of choice, reply, “Oh no, I heard they’re out of those. We’re all waiting for the other one.”
Dog eat dog, my friend.
Tip #6: It’s Okay to Get Violent like it’s GTA3
As the clock ticks down to the store’s opening, things will get hairy. Everyone will suddenly get quiet and the line will form up rigidly. Your friends will turn into enemies and it’s literally every man for himself. It truly is an amazing spectacle of nature.
It’s at this point that someone will try to cut the line. Now, I checked with many local authorities and I have it on good faith that it is 100% okay to shout obscenities and verbally attack that person’s appearance. If he doesn’t relent, threats of bodily harm are still okay. In fact, you are even allowed to graze his skin with a dagger under six inches in length. Do not let this pigfucker get ahead of you.
Tip #7: Be Gracious in Victory OR Defeat
When the manager emerges from the store, he’ll most likely be handing out some sort of ticket that guarantees you a console. Depending on that store’s allotment and how early you got there, you may or may not get one. No matter what happens, take the resulting proceedings with pride and class.
Ah, who am I kidding?! If you get a ticket, flaunt it like it was the final piece of the Triforce. Tell the guy behind you who didn’t get one that you’ll sell yours for $50. When he agrees, say “SYKE!!” and laugh in his stupid, pitiful face.
If you didn’t get a ticket, remind everyone ahead of you that they’re sexless nerds for getting there earlier than you. Tell the losers near the end of the line to enjoy their crippled 20GB PS3. Walk away backwards, double-flippin’ them the bird. Then proceed to sob privately in your car.
While this list may be missing a thing or two, these tips alone are an invaluable resource for surviving the night. The most important thing to always remember is that no matter what, you MUST get a console on day one or else your validity as a true gamer will be questioned. If you don’t get a launch PS3 or Wii, all respect is lost for you. Enjoy your LeapFrog, asshole.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Description courtesy of IGN.
Definate purchase at launch.
"In addition to all this, you can shoot out of fishtanks, hold your gun "gangsta-style," and make the enemy submit to you...if you're feeling merciful."
Description courtesy of IGN.
Definate purchase at launch.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
There's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed
There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread
There's a red fox torn by a huntsman's pack
There's a black-winged gull with a broken back
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess i'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain
Monday, September 18, 2006
They say it's my fault but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head
All the things she said
This is not enough
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one
No is the saddest experience you'll ever know
Yes it's the saddest experience you'll ever know
Because one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever know
It's just no good anymore since you went away
Now I spend my time just making rhymes of yesterday
One is the number divided by two
Monday, September 11, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China, and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just As Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil, in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we’re the best evils . . . best at being evil . . .we’re the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian president Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can’t have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it’s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush’s Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren’t the Worst But Certainly Won’t Be Asked to Host the Olympics".
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That’s not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren’t perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in ‘guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
What exactly is Butters looking at off camera? And what's Dann doing to Randiva to elicit such a happy response?
Happy gay pride week OKC!
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Timmy and I at an outdoor shopping area.
Is there anywhere on earth that Planet Hollywood hasn't invaded?
Oh look a Hooters! We picked up an application for Fefe.
Monica and Veve in front of the Hard Rock Cafe. As I mentioned earlier I picked up a couple of shirts for mom and dad here. I'm carrying on the tradition that I belive my brother started; everytime he travels (mostly abroad) he sends us some Hard Rock shirts usually two sizes too big for anyone to wear.
Hail to the King baby!
Timmy spent 400 Pesos for a temporary tatoo that promptly starting peeling off that night.
After the shopping nightmare we relaxed for a bit to prepare for a night on the town. Timmy and I set off to hit some night spots about 11 PM. We stopped off at Carlos n'Charlie's for a couple of drinks and luckily we weren't abducted. Next we walked around the strip while fending off drug and prostitute pushers (you may want to leave the kids at the resort during this part of the trip). Not finding anything of real interest we hopped into a cab in search of the gay bars. Luckily for us the cabby was gay and knew where we needed to go. Naturally the big gay dance club was closed. We finally landed at Picante the oldest gay bar in Cancun located off the strip and in the town of Cancun itself. I have to say I had a blast even though the bar was tiny (about half the size of the Park Club) and I was the only white man to be seen! I was surprised that Timmy's Spanish was so good and grew even stronger with each drink consumed, unfortunately he couldn't figure out how to translate Jagermeister or Rumplemintz. The DJ working the club had a mixing machine that was about the size of my computer keyboard yet it was some of the best music and mixes I've heard in any upscale dance/techno club. We requested 'Dragostea din tei' ('Love in the linden tree)' by O-Zone and it was funny to hear the song in English which is rare back home. By 4 AM it was time to head back to the resort and get a little sleep before the journey home. The gay cabby I spoke of earlier waiter for us all night outside the club, what a guy! We tipped him extremely well.
During the trip I was burned by playing along the beach and pool and then tanned by playing along the beach and pool. I saw Mayan ruins, jungles, and coral reefs! I shopped and drank Mexican beer for hours at a time. The trip was fantastic and I would go back again in a heartbeat not only to partake in some of the activities from before but to find all new adventures! My previous trip to Mexico really soured me on the country but Cancun has really changed my mind.
One last shot of the beach before the return trip home.
Next up, Vegas in one week!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The boats, docked and ready to go. Timmy, Veve, and myself had one boat while Monica and Willard rode in another.
View of the jungle from the boat.
Follow the leader.
Our destination (not much to look at from above). We tied the boats together and did some snorkeling above the reef. Unfortunately none of us had an underwater camera. Throughout the trip Veve mentioned that she was afraid of having a shark encounter though we told her it was unlikely. Naturally our guide pointed out a small shark underneath us near the reef. Fortunately for Veve the shark didn't feel like Asian for lunch.
Timmy drove the boat on our return trip; it was terrifying! I've driven a boat many times in my life but never on the ocean. In the size of boat we were using it was tense at times jumping over large ocean waves and wakes from other boats. Veve drove the other boat on the return trip, we wouldn't allow her to drive ours.
The short day (about a four hour tour) allowed us some free time to do some shopping, hit the beach and pool, and enjoy the sun set seen above. It's hard to see but part of Isla Mujeres (Island of the Bitches) can be seen in the top left.
Even more to come: shop 'til you drop and Gay Cancun.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Chichen Itza ("Mouth of the well of the itzaes") is one of the most controversial, studied and visited ruins of the mayan world. Its history and its chronology are the subject of debates and the fate of its people a puzzle that archaeologist continue to theorize about as excavation continue. The Itzaes settled in Chichen Itza in the IX Century a.C. forging a wide empire with one culture centered in Chichen Itza. Around 1250 a.C. the city was abandoned for reasons still not completely understood (the travel guide believes that drought and a revolt by the under class over the upper class was the main factors). In its Golden Era, Chichen Itza covered an area of over 25 square kilometers. The religious, cultural and administrative center covered approximately 6 square miles and was located close to the area where the elite resided in carefully decorated and brightly painted palaces. Around this central area lived between 50,000 and 100,000 people in thatch-roofed palapas or cottages.
Enough with the history lesson, more information about the Mayan civilization can be found here . On to the pictures...
Along the way to the ruins we stopped at a Mayan shopping area. So while there are still Mayans living in the Yucatan their civilization is long lost. Being the sucker tourists that we are we all bought pendants with our names spelled out in Mayan hieroglyphics. The tour guide told us that all proceeds of our purchase go directly to the Mayan people and the quality of the gold and sliver is backed by the Mexican government.
Another stop found us at one of many sink holes in the Yucatan region. These "watering holes" were formed naturally throughout the region and were a source of water for the Mayan civilization.
Finally to the ruins! Shortly after arriving we were greeted with cloudy weather and a brief shower of rain. Being burnt from head to toe I was thankful for the lack of sun.
Temple of the Observatory. The Mayans were keen astronomers because of their worship of the sun. They developed a 365 day calendar long before Europe and the Gregorian calendar.
Temple of the warriors and Square of the 1,000 columns. Believed to be a market place and similar in design to other ancient market places of the time.
The Castle of Kukulcan rising 30 meters from the earth is the most impressive building. It's age is difficult to calculate, being estimated between 650 and 800 a.C. The numbers of its different measurements relate to digits in the maya solar calendar; for example, 91 steps on 4 sides, or 364; plus the platform, 365, the number of days in a year. The five adornments on each side of the temple are 5 X 4 or 20, the number of days in a maya month. The building, revealing the profound knowledge of the mayas, every year during equinox demonstrates the descending of the god Kukulkan, "The Feathered serpent", to earth, in a light and shadow phenomenon that every year attracts visitors from all over the world.
Timmy and I in front of the north side of the temple in front of the head of the god Kukulkan. As you can see the transformation into Lobster Boy is nearly complete.
One last shot of me in front of the castle soaked from the recent rain. Unfortunately we were unable to climb to the top of the castle as it has been restricted since an accident involving a tourist who fell to her death from the structure.
Still to come: boating to the coral reef, shopping, more shopping, and even more shopping. Did I mention we did some shopping?
Thursday, June 08, 2006
The Mexican bathrooms left a lot to be desired. It appears Timmy forgot the TP!
View of the resort from in the water.
Timmy after his tenth Mojito.
A special vacation message to Fefe who was left behind to toil in the States. Contrary to the spelling we don't mean to say a garden tool.
From the ocean to the pool.
Taking a siesta.
Comming soon in future posts: Lobster Boy sightings, a journey to the Heart of Darkness, speedboat Shimmy, and Montezuma's Revenge!
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Thursday, February 09, 2006
1. I would travel extensively, most notably I would revisit Germany, visit eastern Asia, and see the Amazon river.
2. I would open a club with Dann so we'd have a cool place to hang on Sunday afternoons.
3. I would go back to school on the twenty year plan... you know kind of slide back into it.
Oh, I'd also give Heath ten dollars as compensation for all the loses he's sustained on poker nights.
It also goes without saying that all my friends and family (except those who cross me) would be well cared for financially.
What would YOU do?
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Monday, February 06, 2006
WWJT? What would Jesus tip? I served a seven top table on Saturday night. After I delivered the meal the group all held hands around the table and prayed before digging into their Cajun food. I've always found this practice a little strange in public but it's probably due to the lack of a Chrisitan upbringing on my part. The table of Christians (or at least the ones I served) tipped eight percent. It could be worse, every table of teenages I've served have left a zero percent tip but that's another story...
On the way home from the resturant I was listening to KJ-103 on the radio. I rarely listen to the garbage they play but nothing of interest was on the other stations and the CD player in my truck is on it's last leg. The song "Don't Phunk With My Heart" was playing by the Black Eyed Peas; a song I rather like. The chorus comes up as "no no no no don't MESS with my heart". What the hell? Is phunk some kind of dirty word that the Oklahoma City metro area can't handle? I'm getting a new CD player next week with a Sirius connection, where I assume I won't be shielded from the dirty lyrics that the kids are listening to these days.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
People born in the Year of the Dog possess the best traits of human nature. They have a deep sense of loyalty, are honest, and inspire other people's confidence because they know how to keep secrets. But Dog People are somewhat selfish, terribly stubborn, and eccentric. They care little for wealth, yet somehow always seem to have money. They can be cold emotionally and sometimes distant at parties. They can find fault with many things and are noted for their sharp tongues. Dog people make good leaders. They are compatible with those born in the Years of the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit.
You can go here for more information on the Chinese Zodiac.
We celebrated the New Year at Shimmy's mom's house with the traditional Margarita, egg rolls, and fish balls. Apparently it's also customary and good luck for the coming year to eat something green (I think it was spinach and cabbage). We had great fun learning our signs while Shimmy's mom read them out from her Mandarin book of Voodoo. I'm still convinced that the thirteenth sign was cut some years ago and that Dann was really born in the year of the Weasel...