Swiped from Gaming Out Loud:
Tip #1: Dress the Part
If you’re camping overnight for a game console, you’re clearly a nerd and you must dress for the occasion. Show up in an Ecko sweater and you will be mocked. True gaming nerds get their clothing from places like ThinkGeek or Hot Topic. If your threads don’t feature a 1UP mushroom or the Contra code, then you’re a fucking n00b and should just turn around now and go home. Remember, first impressions are everything. Do you want this ragtag group of nerdlings to think, “Oh, he’s a Hilfiger faggot” or “Daaaamn, he’s going old-school with that Strider tee!”
Tip #2: Make Friends with those at the Front
The ones who stand in the front of the line hold all the power. Most likely, these uber-nerds have been there since 5pm the night before and have already made small chat with the manager several times. They know exactly how many consoles will be available and how the whole thing will go down in the morning. That information is priceless.
Tip #3: Bring a Handheld System
Nothing gives you more insta-cred than whipping out a DS lite while waiting for the sun to rise. Not only does it validate your nerdocity, but it can be a great way to spark conversations with others.
“Hey, is that DS lite?”
“Yes.”
Isn’t that amazing? That right there has bonded you two for life.
Tip #4: Don’t Be Yourself; Make Yourself Seem Intriguing!
Let’s face it; you’re standing in front of an EBgames at 2am on a Saturday night waiting for the Wii. You suck at life. However, those in line don’t know that yet. They think you’re just like them; dedicated fans that just by freak accident happened to have the weekend free for the 245th week in a row.
In order to gain the respect of others, put on a façade and say things that’ll spark the interest of others around you, even if they are bald-faced lies. For example, say the following: “Ah yea, the Wii was awesome when I played it at E3 this year.”
I guarantee you that every head will turn. The nerds will feel honored to be in the presence of someone who has traveled to the Promised Land that is the Los Angeles Convention Center in mid-May. You will be a mini-celebrity and you may even get Sum Poosie out of it.
Tip #5: Turn Away as Many People as You Can
You’re there for one thing and one thing only: to get yourself a console. It is in your best interest to dissuade as many people as possible from lining up with you. While you may get a console before them, they may beat you to the accessories aisle and take the only extra nunchuck controller available.
As morning breaks, you’ll see a large inflow of people. Many will drive by in their car and ask, “Are there any left?”
Ask them if they want a PS3 or Wii. When they name their system of choice, reply, “Oh no, I heard they’re out of those. We’re all waiting for the other one.”
Dog eat dog, my friend.
Tip #6: It’s Okay to Get Violent like it’s GTA3
As the clock ticks down to the store’s opening, things will get hairy. Everyone will suddenly get quiet and the line will form up rigidly. Your friends will turn into enemies and it’s literally every man for himself. It truly is an amazing spectacle of nature.
It’s at this point that someone will try to cut the line. Now, I checked with many local authorities and I have it on good faith that it is 100% okay to shout obscenities and verbally attack that person’s appearance. If he doesn’t relent, threats of bodily harm are still okay. In fact, you are even allowed to graze his skin with a dagger under six inches in length. Do not let this pigfucker get ahead of you.
Tip #7: Be Gracious in Victory OR Defeat
When the manager emerges from the store, he’ll most likely be handing out some sort of ticket that guarantees you a console. Depending on that store’s allotment and how early you got there, you may or may not get one. No matter what happens, take the resulting proceedings with pride and class.
Ah, who am I kidding?! If you get a ticket, flaunt it like it was the final piece of the Triforce. Tell the guy behind you who didn’t get one that you’ll sell yours for $50. When he agrees, say “SYKE!!” and laugh in his stupid, pitiful face.
If you didn’t get a ticket, remind everyone ahead of you that they’re sexless nerds for getting there earlier than you. Tell the losers near the end of the line to enjoy their crippled 20GB PS3. Walk away backwards, double-flippin’ them the bird. Then proceed to sob privately in your car.
Conclusion
While this list may be missing a thing or two, these tips alone are an invaluable resource for surviving the night. The most important thing to always remember is that no matter what, you MUST get a console on day one or else your validity as a true gamer will be questioned. If you don’t get a launch PS3 or Wii, all respect is lost for you. Enjoy your LeapFrog, asshole.
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