Someone (I think Kim) decided to start the minutes on Saturday night after midnight. It was too late as we had already been laughing our asses off from searching through some definitions at Urban Dictionary, but that's another post...
Here's what I found crumpled up in my shirt pocket Sunday morning:
12:20AM - Meg - "Rape the puppy every night now."
12:24AM - "He likes it when I sit on his face for 3 hours."
12:25AM - "The muffin man lives on Drury Lane."
12:31AM - "Excuse me! I'm sorry... my shoe is calling. Shoe phone."
12:37AM - "Who can get too deep?"
12:42AM - DB - "If I want that I can fuck a four year old."
12:51AM - DB - "Dude you smell like tuna!"
12:51AM - Meg - "Dude, I can't help it! She was nice."
12:54AM - DB - "The Moose Shuffle."
12:56AM - Kim (with quarters) - "Make it rain bitches!"
01:07AM - Cris (in response to Ryan's tongue) - "Wait! I can't let go of your hand yet!"
01:11AM - DB (raising a glass) - "To our last night on the south side!"
01:11AM - Meg - "Bite!!"
01:16AM - Kim - "I don't feel like I had nine."
01:16AM - Cris - "But you look like you had nine."
01:17AM - "Why is DB doing kegels????"
01:19AM - Kim - "I don't think I should, I haven't shaved it in a while."
01:22AM - "OMG, Meagan just spit up!"
01:22AM - "Dave told me not to dress like a skeeze."
01:29AM - Meg to David - "Boob smacked!"
Showing posts with label The Minutes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Minutes. Show all posts
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
New Year Minutes
I've been dreading transcribing the minutes from our little New Year's Eve party at Dann's house. They're three large pages long, definitely a record, mostly due to Susan. I'm only doing this because I told everyone I would post them. Here goes:
9:03 PM - David - "It's the night of cowbell!"
9:10 PM - David - "Don't name your dog Felicia, name it Sharks with Lasers."
9:22 PM - Unknown - More "Phantom," Matt's happy.
9:24 PM - Matt - "This song needs more cowbell."
9:27 PM - Unknown - "Bitches still aren't here." :(
9:30 PM - "Masquerade." David says, "Matt, if you don't know it, don't sing it." Matt replies, "fuck you Nancy."
9:32 PM - Matt - "I'm not listening to anymore bullshit tonight."
9:43 PM - David - "Don't touch the hair!"
9:48 PM - Unknown - "Wicked" begins and David blows a belch in Matt's face.
10:00 PM - Dann - "Oh my god, you have an ass load back there."
10:10 PM - Matt's pants undone, does first Sake ever.
Meanwhile at the 7-11...
Mel - "Wow, this place is packed."
Jackie - "People gotta get their shit."
Mel - "Look at all those ho's! They told me to get ice outta that one!!" (Girls run by holding their boobs while a crackhead in a white fluffy coat tells a cop about getting run over in the parking lot.)
10:15 PM - Jackie - "They're used to having hard stuff up their asses, they don't mind it."
10:15 PM - Unknown - "Is this TP soft enough?"
10:16 PM - Susan - Screams: "I have wine glasses! I drink Dr. Pepper out of them."
10:21 PM - Unknown - "Before we get too drunk to understand the rules, let's play."
10:22 PM - Susan was a bitch to Matt, and Mel said, "she's just snarly."
10:30 PM - DB's smelling the stanky leg.
10:32 PM - He's still smelling the stanky leg!
10:35 PM - Susan's first snort.
(In the top left hand corner of page 2 there's a "Susan Snorts" box with slashes for each time she snorted, apparently. It has five marks in it.)
10:50 PM - The boogie won it.
10:55 PM - The "Indian Jones" theme song breaks out... followed by "Kalimar!!"
10:57 PM - Wawa.
11:18 PM - Just remember, Justin got here!
11:21 PM - David - "Oh my god, Matt is a douche!"
11:27 PM - Justin - "I have crab in my teeth."
11:30 PM - Justin - "We need one more person."
11:31 PM - Mel locked herself in the bathroom!
11:32 PM - Unknown - "Yaaaard!"
11:33 PM - Jackie - "Do you want to be one of the girls?"
11:39 PM - Jackie - "Let's wait 'til after 12."
11:40 PM - Unknown - "Let's rock, paper, scissor for Justin."
11:41 PM - Unknown - "Who's Ashley?"
11:43 PM - Justin - "I stopped the flow! Give me a tampon quick!"
11:45 PM - Sake shot! Susan says, "my nipples are hard."
11:47 PM - Matt broke the camera. (Matt did not.) It just stopped working.
11:50 PM - (Something scratched out about Dann.)
12:00 AM - Happy New Year!
12:00 AM - Matt - "Never wanted to ring in the New Year with any other fantastic people, my besties, the reason I wake up and go to work everyday, so I can spend the weekend with these awesome people."
12:00 AM - DB - "I wish I were dead!"
12:00 AM - Matt - "Whatever."
12:00 AM - Unknown - "A better year for everyone!"
12:10 AM - Unknown - "I wish all my friends here tonight have a happy and prosperous new year and lots of sex. Merry Christmas. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"
12:12 AM - Unknown - "I wanna be a better person in general. Done!"
12:15 AM - Unknown - "My New Year's wish is that the family that is gathered here tonight will be together to celebrate another NYE together again..."
12:16 AM - Unknown - "David stole my thunder with a slut story."
12:20 AM - David - "I'm so blessed to have the best friends in the world!!!"
12:21 AM - Matt is impressed and gushes.
12:22 AM - Text at 12:15 AM to Mel. Susan got stuck in the bathroom too!!
12:35 AM - Susan - "I am good at brown."
12:36 AM - Unknown - "Too bad Cristina's not here."
12:39 AM - Unknown - "What's TRD? TURD, no TRENDS!"
12:46 AM - Unknown - "OK Ross Perot you can finish."
01:05 AM - Unknown - "This sucks!"
01:05 AM - Unknown - "Way too competitive over Trivia Pursuit!"
01:06 AM - (Unintelligible writing.)
01:07 AM - Matt - "We already have brown pie!"
01:19 AM - Unknown - "Ready, ok, poop."
01:29 AM - Unknown - "I heard shitty bear."
01:35 AM - Wicked serenade, excluding Swooos.
01:40 AM - Justin - "We need a pink."
02:12 AM - Matt - "That's my dawg!!"
02:43 AM - Unknown - "Oh my god it's Barbara (Streisand)."
03:18 AM - Waiting on Jackie.
04:03 AM - Unknown - "Fuck Jerry Orbach!!"
Meanwhile at 7-11...
Just kidding!
Well that was fun. As you can see the minutes really started to deteriorate after midnight. I hope my friends appreciate all this typing I did this morning at work, it was cutting into my sleeping time!
9:03 PM - David - "It's the night of cowbell!"
9:10 PM - David - "Don't name your dog Felicia, name it Sharks with Lasers."
9:22 PM - Unknown - More "Phantom," Matt's happy.
9:24 PM - Matt - "This song needs more cowbell."
9:27 PM - Unknown - "Bitches still aren't here." :(
9:30 PM - "Masquerade." David says, "Matt, if you don't know it, don't sing it." Matt replies, "fuck you Nancy."
9:32 PM - Matt - "I'm not listening to anymore bullshit tonight."
9:43 PM - David - "Don't touch the hair!"
9:48 PM - Unknown - "Wicked" begins and David blows a belch in Matt's face.
10:00 PM - Dann - "Oh my god, you have an ass load back there."
10:10 PM - Matt's pants undone, does first Sake ever.
Meanwhile at the 7-11...
Mel - "Wow, this place is packed."
Jackie - "People gotta get their shit."
Mel - "Look at all those ho's! They told me to get ice outta that one!!" (Girls run by holding their boobs while a crackhead in a white fluffy coat tells a cop about getting run over in the parking lot.)
10:15 PM - Jackie - "They're used to having hard stuff up their asses, they don't mind it."
10:15 PM - Unknown - "Is this TP soft enough?"
10:16 PM - Susan - Screams: "I have wine glasses! I drink Dr. Pepper out of them."
10:21 PM - Unknown - "Before we get too drunk to understand the rules, let's play."
10:22 PM - Susan was a bitch to Matt, and Mel said, "she's just snarly."
10:30 PM - DB's smelling the stanky leg.
10:32 PM - He's still smelling the stanky leg!
10:35 PM - Susan's first snort.
(In the top left hand corner of page 2 there's a "Susan Snorts" box with slashes for each time she snorted, apparently. It has five marks in it.)
10:50 PM - The boogie won it.
10:55 PM - The "Indian Jones" theme song breaks out... followed by "Kalimar!!"
10:57 PM - Wawa.
11:18 PM - Just remember, Justin got here!
11:21 PM - David - "Oh my god, Matt is a douche!"
11:27 PM - Justin - "I have crab in my teeth."
11:30 PM - Justin - "We need one more person."
11:31 PM - Mel locked herself in the bathroom!
11:32 PM - Unknown - "Yaaaard!"
11:33 PM - Jackie - "Do you want to be one of the girls?"
11:39 PM - Jackie - "Let's wait 'til after 12."
11:40 PM - Unknown - "Let's rock, paper, scissor for Justin."
11:41 PM - Unknown - "Who's Ashley?"
11:43 PM - Justin - "I stopped the flow! Give me a tampon quick!"
11:45 PM - Sake shot! Susan says, "my nipples are hard."
11:47 PM - Matt broke the camera. (Matt did not.) It just stopped working.
11:50 PM - (Something scratched out about Dann.)
12:00 AM - Happy New Year!
12:00 AM - Matt - "Never wanted to ring in the New Year with any other fantastic people, my besties, the reason I wake up and go to work everyday, so I can spend the weekend with these awesome people."
12:00 AM - DB - "I wish I were dead!"
12:00 AM - Matt - "Whatever."
12:00 AM - Unknown - "A better year for everyone!"
12:10 AM - Unknown - "I wish all my friends here tonight have a happy and prosperous new year and lots of sex. Merry Christmas. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"
12:12 AM - Unknown - "I wanna be a better person in general. Done!"
12:15 AM - Unknown - "My New Year's wish is that the family that is gathered here tonight will be together to celebrate another NYE together again..."
12:16 AM - Unknown - "David stole my thunder with a slut story."
12:20 AM - David - "I'm so blessed to have the best friends in the world!!!"
12:21 AM - Matt is impressed and gushes.
12:22 AM - Text at 12:15 AM to Mel. Susan got stuck in the bathroom too!!
12:35 AM - Susan - "I am good at brown."
12:36 AM - Unknown - "Too bad Cristina's not here."
12:39 AM - Unknown - "What's TRD? TURD, no TRENDS!"
12:46 AM - Unknown - "OK Ross Perot you can finish."
01:05 AM - Unknown - "This sucks!"
01:05 AM - Unknown - "Way too competitive over Trivia Pursuit!"
01:06 AM - (Unintelligible writing.)
01:07 AM - Matt - "We already have brown pie!"
01:19 AM - Unknown - "Ready, ok, poop."
01:29 AM - Unknown - "I heard shitty bear."
01:35 AM - Wicked serenade, excluding Swooos.
01:40 AM - Justin - "We need a pink."
02:12 AM - Matt - "That's my dawg!!"
02:43 AM - Unknown - "Oh my god it's Barbara (Streisand)."
03:18 AM - Waiting on Jackie.
04:03 AM - Unknown - "Fuck Jerry Orbach!!"
Meanwhile at 7-11...
Just kidding!
Well that was fun. As you can see the minutes really started to deteriorate after midnight. I hope my friends appreciate all this typing I did this morning at work, it was cutting into my sleeping time!
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Crismas Minutes
As I've mentioned before my friend Cris celebrates her birthday on the 25th. Since she's going to be in L.A. toward the end of the month we got together to celebrate her birthday early on Saturday. Someone had the bright idea to take the minutes during our time at Edna's right around the start of the Big 12 Championship game. Here's what I could translate from the crumpled pieces of paper I found in my coat pocket:
Time Unknown - Justin - "I can't believe I carried this dick bag through the entire mall."
6:35 - Jewish jokes abound.
6:45 - Is Justin Freddy Kruger?
6:45 - Justin - "I just farted."
6:46 - Weezer!
6:55 - David - "I'm never asking Cris to anything again after Kathy Griffin."
6:58 - Midnight Train to Georgia!
7:00 - I like your beard.
7:01 - Susan wants penis on the screen.
7:02 - Cris - "DB sprained his dick in cow town."
7:04 - Justin's song to us: The Sound of Silence.
7:07 - "I (heart) you DB! Swoo."
7:20 - Tomatoes!
7:25 - (Whatever is written here, in my hand writing, is unreadable)
7:26 - Justin is clutching his pearls.
7:26 - Matt and Justin are arguing about pig horses.
7:40 - David - "Mel sounds like Tone Loc."
7:47 - Fudd needs to sit down!
8:02 - Susan is a ho! Heehaw!
8:05 - Jackie cannot roll her tongue.
8:25 - Susan - "Cutler wears a moo moo."
8:25 - Second spill at Edna's, NOT Mel.
8:40 - (Whatever is written here, not in my hand writing, is unreadable)
8:48 - David - "I will piss on Stoops' grave!"
8:55 - David - "Su and me love rejection."
8:59 - DB forgot about the Christmas party at Macklyn's house.
Interesting. Apparently no one was in any condition to take the minutes after we left Edna's. Either that or Justin and Jackie were too busy dancing the night away to care!
Time Unknown - Justin - "I can't believe I carried this dick bag through the entire mall."
6:35 - Jewish jokes abound.
6:45 - Is Justin Freddy Kruger?
6:45 - Justin - "I just farted."
6:46 - Weezer!
6:55 - David - "I'm never asking Cris to anything again after Kathy Griffin."
6:58 - Midnight Train to Georgia!
7:00 - I like your beard.
7:01 - Susan wants penis on the screen.
7:02 - Cris - "DB sprained his dick in cow town."
7:04 - Justin's song to us: The Sound of Silence.
7:07 - "I (heart) you DB! Swoo."
7:20 - Tomatoes!
7:25 - (Whatever is written here, in my hand writing, is unreadable)
7:26 - Justin is clutching his pearls.
7:26 - Matt and Justin are arguing about pig horses.
7:40 - David - "Mel sounds like Tone Loc."
7:47 - Fudd needs to sit down!
8:02 - Susan is a ho! Heehaw!
8:05 - Jackie cannot roll her tongue.
8:25 - Susan - "Cutler wears a moo moo."
8:25 - Second spill at Edna's, NOT Mel.
8:40 - (Whatever is written here, not in my hand writing, is unreadable)
8:48 - David - "I will piss on Stoops' grave!"
8:55 - David - "Su and me love rejection."
8:59 - DB forgot about the Christmas party at Macklyn's house.
Interesting. Apparently no one was in any condition to take the minutes after we left Edna's. Either that or Justin and Jackie were too busy dancing the night away to care!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The Minutes III in 3D!
Unfamiliar with the minutes? Click here.
Kim started taking the minutes at Sipango last Saturday evening after some sushi and wine at Sushi Neko:
8:15 - David - “She knows the story, but I’m hot, and she wants the dick.”
8:20 - David - Showing off his new Italian Leather boots, props one up on the table to display while exclaiming it has a zipper… meanwhile, Kim, Mel, Jac, and Hay cracking up because of the piece of toilet paper hanging from the bottom.
8:23 - Hayley - “That’s why I can’t get rid of men, my sex is on fire, gotta beat em’ off with a broom.”
David- (in response) “That’s called chlamydia, you should get a shot.”
8:44 - David - “I can country stwo tep!!!”
8:58 - David - Referring to the hot lesbian, “His (her) labia is hung like a moose!”
9:21 - Mel - Talking to Kim/Hay who are gawking at the hot lesbian, “Close your lips ladies, your other lips!”
9:23 - David - To Kim, “HEY! Just cause your dating a stump!!!”
We never seem to last very long before the minute taker is too drunk to continue...
Kim started taking the minutes at Sipango last Saturday evening after some sushi and wine at Sushi Neko:
8:15 - David - “She knows the story, but I’m hot, and she wants the dick.”
8:20 - David - Showing off his new Italian Leather boots, props one up on the table to display while exclaiming it has a zipper… meanwhile, Kim, Mel, Jac, and Hay cracking up because of the piece of toilet paper hanging from the bottom.
8:23 - Hayley - “That’s why I can’t get rid of men, my sex is on fire, gotta beat em’ off with a broom.”
David- (in response) “That’s called chlamydia, you should get a shot.”
8:44 - David - “I can country stwo tep!!!”
8:58 - David - Referring to the hot lesbian, “His (her) labia is hung like a moose!”
9:21 - Mel - Talking to Kim/Hay who are gawking at the hot lesbian, “Close your lips ladies, your other lips!”
9:23 - David - To Kim, “HEY! Just cause your dating a stump!!!”
We never seem to last very long before the minute taker is too drunk to continue...
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Revenge of the Minutes, Wichita, KS
Disclaimer: there is quite a bit of raunchy language in this post so if you have a problem with it, blow me...
From another blog posting:
"When I worked at Old Chicago bartending I used to grab drinks with Matt, Cris, and Regina often, especially after a lunch shift. This is how I came to know "the minutes." For some reason Cris or Regina used to keep a log of the day's activities. Activities being what was happening and what we discussed while we drank. It could be quite humorous to go back another day and read what was written from a day/night out drinking."
Now that we're reacquainted with the minutes, here's what Kim and I took while in Wichita to see Dave Matthews:
Wich-i-titty trip to DMB 8-14-2010
2:59 - 224 non-smoking room? Oops 324 is our room! Elevator exit, aroma of reefer!
3:00 - Lotion smells like butt
3:50 - "You make me want to smoke!"
4:10 - Conversation:
D: Come to Vegas with me!
K: I have my baby's birthday, I can't.
D: Fuck her!
4:20 - Schleeves
4:32 - Kim has Downs head
4:36 - Kim is a MIULF - mom I used to like to fuck
4:46 - Kim's gash gets around according to Satan aka McConnell
5:04 - Kim spends her money on BBB - bills, beer, and baby
5:05 - In reference to a certain gash: dead carp and stinky cheese
5:21 - Is everyone white in Kansas?
5:21 - Animal hair. David's saxophone move
5:30 - David sniffs me, I said it's not me, it's that guy - David - it smells like burnt wolf
5:36 - We're kind of a big deal
5:45 - The real Housewives of Wichititty
Sorry kids, this is all we could muster on our little Holiday Inn notepad. I'd like to say that we got tired of taking the minutes but I think the Fat Tire beers finally caught up to us!
More adventures in Wichita to follow.
From another blog posting:
"When I worked at Old Chicago bartending I used to grab drinks with Matt, Cris, and Regina often, especially after a lunch shift. This is how I came to know "the minutes." For some reason Cris or Regina used to keep a log of the day's activities. Activities being what was happening and what we discussed while we drank. It could be quite humorous to go back another day and read what was written from a day/night out drinking."
Now that we're reacquainted with the minutes, here's what Kim and I took while in Wichita to see Dave Matthews:
Wich-i-titty trip to DMB 8-14-2010
2:59 - 224 non-smoking room? Oops 324 is our room! Elevator exit, aroma of reefer!
3:00 - Lotion smells like butt
3:50 - "You make me want to smoke!"
4:10 - Conversation:
D: Come to Vegas with me!
K: I have my baby's birthday, I can't.
D: Fuck her!
4:20 - Schleeves
4:32 - Kim has Downs head
4:36 - Kim is a MIULF - mom I used to like to fuck
4:46 - Kim's gash gets around according to Satan aka McConnell
5:04 - Kim spends her money on BBB - bills, beer, and baby
5:05 - In reference to a certain gash: dead carp and stinky cheese
5:21 - Is everyone white in Kansas?
5:21 - Animal hair. David's saxophone move
5:30 - David sniffs me, I said it's not me, it's that guy - David - it smells like burnt wolf
5:36 - We're kind of a big deal
5:45 - The real Housewives of Wichititty
Sorry kids, this is all we could muster on our little Holiday Inn notepad. I'd like to say that we got tired of taking the minutes but I think the Fat Tire beers finally caught up to us!
More adventures in Wichita to follow.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The Minutes
When I worked at Old Chicago bartending I used to grab drinks with Matt, Cris, and Regina often, especially after a lunch shift. This is how I came to know "the minutes." For some reason Cris or Regina used to keep a log of the day's activities. Activities being what was happening and what we discussed while we drank. It could be quite humorous to go back another day and read what was written from a day/night out drinking. For some reason Kim did the same on Sunday and I found them in my back pocket when I got home Sunday night. So, mostly for Kim, here are the minutes from Sunday Funday:
Pearl's Oyster Bar (no times given)
- Will the real Felicia please stand up?
- NO MEAGAN!
- Tsunami bomb
- Pocket gay
- Dance monkey
- Justin's cat like tendencies
- Matty's Woo
Edna's
1:59 - Hammer Time
2:09 - Or else it gets the hose again
2:11 - Don't be a DB on my bday
2:15 - I'm gonna make you squeal, make you squeal, make you squeal...
2:20 - Hallelujah
2:23 - Little man in the boat
2:25 - Midnight train to Georgia
2:28 - Spelunking Meg's vagina
2:38 - David off the phone, how long?
2:40 - I want your love, Justin breaking out in song
2:42 - Meagan took a greaser!
2:45 - Daddy it's time!
2:46 - Steel Magnolia tribute
2:55 - Kim and Justin dance
2:56 - I'm Meagan for crying, loving you
2:56 - Minutes! Minutes! Minutes!!
3:06 - For God so loved the world...
3:11 - Tornado Warning
3:12 - I wanna die at Tramps
3:16 - Tornado at Edna's at 4:11 and Tramps at 4:13
3:22 - "if a 'nado comes, I'll lay on top of you and grind"
3:27 - David volunteers to snake Meagan
3:34 - Hook echo
3:38 - Pearl's peeps
3:46 - Meagan's poop jitters
3:47 - Release the Kraken
3:57 - Seriously, tornados?
3:58 - Tornados how long?
4:10 - Torrential hail storm
4:12 - Holy shit!
4:30 - Hail = Hell
4:35 - Sharpie time?
4:45 - Access the damage
4:46 - A lot of damage
4:50 - House on fire at Justin's
4:59 - We survived the "hell storm"
5:10 - Still having fun at Kim's bday
Interesting. Maybe we shouldn't take "the minutes" while partying...
Pearl's Oyster Bar (no times given)
- Will the real Felicia please stand up?
- NO MEAGAN!
- Tsunami bomb
- Pocket gay
- Dance monkey
- Justin's cat like tendencies
- Matty's Woo
Edna's
1:59 - Hammer Time
2:09 - Or else it gets the hose again
2:11 - Don't be a DB on my bday
2:15 - I'm gonna make you squeal, make you squeal, make you squeal...
2:20 - Hallelujah
2:23 - Little man in the boat
2:25 - Midnight train to Georgia
2:28 - Spelunking Meg's vagina
2:38 - David off the phone, how long?
2:40 - I want your love, Justin breaking out in song
2:42 - Meagan took a greaser!
2:45 - Daddy it's time!
2:46 - Steel Magnolia tribute
2:55 - Kim and Justin dance
2:56 - I'm Meagan for crying, loving you
2:56 - Minutes! Minutes! Minutes!!
3:06 - For God so loved the world...
3:11 - Tornado Warning
3:12 - I wanna die at Tramps
3:16 - Tornado at Edna's at 4:11 and Tramps at 4:13
3:22 - "if a 'nado comes, I'll lay on top of you and grind"
3:27 - David volunteers to snake Meagan
3:34 - Hook echo
3:38 - Pearl's peeps
3:46 - Meagan's poop jitters
3:47 - Release the Kraken
3:57 - Seriously, tornados?
3:58 - Tornados how long?
4:10 - Torrential hail storm
4:12 - Holy shit!
4:30 - Hail = Hell
4:35 - Sharpie time?
4:45 - Access the damage
4:46 - A lot of damage
4:50 - House on fire at Justin's
4:59 - We survived the "hell storm"
5:10 - Still having fun at Kim's bday
Interesting. Maybe we shouldn't take "the minutes" while partying...
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