Thursday, January 13, 2011

New Year Minutes

I've been dreading transcribing the minutes from our little New Year's Eve party at Dann's house. They're three large pages long, definitely a record, mostly due to Susan. I'm only doing this because I told everyone I would post them. Here goes:

9:03 PM - David - "It's the night of cowbell!"
9:10 PM - David - "Don't name your dog Felicia, name it Sharks with Lasers."
9:22 PM - Unknown - More "Phantom," Matt's happy.
9:24 PM - Matt - "This song needs more cowbell."
9:27 PM - Unknown - "Bitches still aren't here." :(
9:30 PM - "Masquerade." David says, "Matt, if you don't know it, don't sing it." Matt replies, "fuck you Nancy."
9:32 PM - Matt - "I'm not listening to anymore bullshit tonight."
9:43 PM - David - "Don't touch the hair!"
9:48 PM - Unknown - "Wicked" begins and David blows a belch in Matt's face.
10:00 PM - Dann - "Oh my god, you have an ass load back there."
10:10 PM - Matt's pants undone, does first Sake ever.

Meanwhile at the 7-11...
Mel - "Wow, this place is packed."
Jackie - "People gotta get their shit."
Mel - "Look at all those ho's! They told me to get ice outta that one!!" (Girls run by holding their boobs while a crackhead in a white fluffy coat tells a cop about getting run over in the parking lot.)

10:15 PM - Jackie - "They're used to having hard stuff up their asses, they don't mind it."
10:15 PM - Unknown - "Is this TP soft enough?"
10:16 PM - Susan - Screams: "I have wine glasses! I drink Dr. Pepper out of them."
10:21 PM - Unknown - "Before we get too drunk to understand the rules, let's play."
10:22 PM - Susan was a bitch to Matt, and Mel said, "she's just snarly."
10:30 PM - DB's smelling the stanky leg.
10:32 PM - He's still smelling the stanky leg!
10:35 PM - Susan's first snort.
(In the top left hand corner of page 2 there's a "Susan Snorts" box with slashes for each time she snorted, apparently. It has five marks in it.)
10:50 PM - The boogie won it.
10:55 PM - The "Indian Jones" theme song breaks out... followed by "Kalimar!!"
10:57 PM - Wawa.
11:18 PM - Just remember, Justin got here!
11:21 PM - David - "Oh my god, Matt is a douche!"
11:27 PM - Justin - "I have crab in my teeth."
11:30 PM - Justin - "We need one more person."
11:31 PM - Mel locked herself in the bathroom!
11:32 PM - Unknown - "Yaaaard!"
11:33 PM - Jackie - "Do you want to be one of the girls?"
11:39 PM - Jackie - "Let's wait 'til after 12."
11:40 PM - Unknown - "Let's rock, paper, scissor for Justin."
11:41 PM - Unknown - "Who's Ashley?"
11:43 PM - Justin - "I stopped the flow! Give me a tampon quick!"
11:45 PM - Sake shot! Susan says, "my nipples are hard."
11:47 PM - Matt broke the camera. (Matt did not.) It just stopped working.
11:50 PM - (Something scratched out about Dann.)
12:00 AM - Happy New Year!
12:00 AM - Matt - "Never wanted to ring in the New Year with any other fantastic people, my besties, the reason I wake up and go to work everyday, so I can spend the weekend with these awesome people."
12:00 AM - DB - "I wish I were dead!"
12:00 AM - Matt - "Whatever."
12:00 AM - Unknown - "A better year for everyone!"
12:10 AM - Unknown - "I wish all my friends here tonight have a happy and prosperous new year and lots of sex. Merry Christmas. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"
12:12 AM - Unknown - "I wanna be a better person in general. Done!"
12:15 AM - Unknown - "My New Year's wish is that the family that is gathered here tonight will be together to celebrate another NYE together again..."
12:16 AM - Unknown - "David stole my thunder with a slut story."
12:20 AM - David - "I'm so blessed to have the best friends in the world!!!"
12:21 AM - Matt is impressed and gushes.
12:22 AM - Text at 12:15 AM to Mel. Susan got stuck in the bathroom too!!
12:35 AM - Susan - "I am good at brown."
12:36 AM - Unknown - "Too bad Cristina's not here."
12:39 AM - Unknown - "What's TRD? TURD, no TRENDS!"
12:46 AM - Unknown - "OK Ross Perot you can finish."
01:05 AM - Unknown - "This sucks!"
01:05 AM - Unknown - "Way too competitive over Trivia Pursuit!"
01:06 AM - (Unintelligible writing.)
01:07 AM - Matt - "We already have brown pie!"
01:19 AM - Unknown - "Ready, ok, poop."
01:29 AM - Unknown - "I heard shitty bear."
01:35 AM - Wicked serenade, excluding Swooos.
01:40 AM - Justin - "We need a pink."
02:12 AM - Matt - "That's my dawg!!"
02:43 AM - Unknown - "Oh my god it's Barbara (Streisand)."
03:18 AM - Waiting on Jackie.
04:03 AM - Unknown - "Fuck Jerry Orbach!!"

Meanwhile at 7-11...
Just kidding!

Well that was fun. As you can see the minutes really started to deteriorate after midnight. I hope my friends appreciate all this typing I did this morning at work, it was cutting into my sleeping time!


Anonymous said...

Interesting. Barbara Streisand and Jerry Orbach. I think I want to hang out with you

Dave said...

I wish I remembered a lot of this!

JD said...

I'm proud of my 12:10 AM New Year's resolution. And I was bitching about that Jerry Orbach question for days afterward. Lol.