I have an affinity for tee shirts, especially when I travel. I don't feel complete unless I come back with something to wear back in Gooberville. A good example would be the Blackhawks shirt I bought in Chicago last October. Am I a hockey fan? Nope but damn if I didn't love the mascot on the tee shirt.
Of course the more offensive the shirt the better. In my last adventure to New York I got a cheesy shirt in Chinatown, in fact one of only two items I brought back with me from the trip (the other was a Super Mario 1UP Mushroom beanie from Mecca, aka The Nintendo World Store at Rockefeller Plaza, which is quite the schnizzle). The shirt was labeled "How to Use the F Word" and listed the following:
1. Dismay - Oh! Fuck it.
2. Aggression - Fuck you.
3. Passive - Fuck me.
4. Command - Go fuck yourself.
5. Incompetence - He's a fuck-up.
6. Laziness - He's a fuck-off.
7. Ignorance - He's a fucking jerk.
8. Trouble - I guess I'm fucked now.
9. Confusion - What the fuck?
10. Despair - Fucked again.
11. Philosophical - Who gives a fuck?
12. Denial - You ain't fucking me.
13. Rebellion - Fuck the world.
14. Annoyance - Don't fuck with me.
15. Encouragement - Keep on fucking.
16. Etiquette - Pass the fucking salt.
17. Fraud - I got fucked by my insurance agent.
18. Difficulty - I can't understand this fucking business.
19. Identification - Who the fuck are you?
20. Ugliness - You're a dumb looking fuck.
21. Agreement - You're fucking right.
22. Benevolence - Don't do me any fucking favors.
I wore the shirt this morning at the butt crack of dawn to meet my dad for coffee at Starbucks. Unfortunately it was covered by my hoodie due to the cooler weather Zeus has bestowed upon us lately. Thus I was unable to offend anyone.
Of course the coolest tee shirt of all time can be found here.