Loralei

My niece finally gave birth to a bouncy baby girl named Loralei on November 26th. I think most babies are usually on the ugly side especially shortly after birth but this one does seem a little sweet... or so I thought.

Anyone that knows me can tell you I have a very low threshold for children. Sure I like to torment them and terrorize them (just like my ex-boyfriends) but once I'm over them they can go away. I've never wanted kids. Ever. Period. I'm that rare breed of asshole that wants to spend his time and money on himself! That's not to say that I don't love all my nieces and nephews, it just took me 16-18 years to want to "hang" with them for more than an hour at a time.

In a moment of weakness I finally held the baby on her second night in the hospital. Four short hours later that night I was back at home reeling on my bathroom floor puking and shitting at the same time into the wee hours of the night. Coincidence? I think not. What started out that night in my bathroom (the most wretched experience I have EVER experienced) has mellowed into a weeklong offering of achiness, fever, soar throat, stuffy nose, and swollen glands. I felt so bad after work on Sunday I went directly to mom's house for some much needed titty. I returned home Tuesday night. Keep in mind that I'm 35 years old folks!

All kidding aside I think Nick and Casey have done a terrific job and I hope they have a long and wonderful life together as a family. I look forward to torturing "Lo" for many years to come as I still do to Casey, Brandy and her little beast Blaire. One thing's for sure, I won't be holding the baby any time soon just in case she really does have it out for me already!

Oh and in case you're wondering I'm not wearing a wig in the picture above, I'm just six months overdue for some Manicuring as Frank likes to say.