Smokin' Seventeen

I actually enjoyed returning back to Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series with "Smokin' Seventeen" (308 pages).  I read most of the books in the series over a short period of time a year or two ago and it was a little much. From Goodreads:

"Dead bodies are showing up in shallow graves on the empty construction lot of Vincent Plum Bail Bonds. No one is sure who the killer is, or why the victims have been offed, but what is clear is that Stephanie’s name is on the killer’s list.

Short on time to find evidence proving the killer’s identity, Stephanie faces further complications when her family and friends decide that it’s time for her to choose between her longtime off-again-on-again boyfriend, Trenton cop Joe Morelli, and the bad boy in her life, security expert Ranger. Stephanie’s mom is encouraging Stephanie to dump them both and choose a former high school football star who’s just returned to town. Stephanie’s sidekick, Lula, is encouraging Stephanie to have a red-hot boudoir 'bake-off.' And Grandma Bella, Morelli’s old-world grandmother, is encouraging Stephanie to move to a new state when she puts 'the eye' on Stephanie.

With a cold-blooded killer after her, a handful of hot men, and a capture list that includes a dancing bear and a senior citizen vampire, Stephanie’s life looks like it’s about to go up in smoke."

Rather than adding a "traditional" recap, I thought I would add some quotes from the novel as I have with other books in Evanovich's series.  For the most part they're all pretty much the same with a few changes in plot.

"Lula hauled herself up off the floor and put her hand to her neck.  'Do I got holes?  Am I bleeding?  Do I look like I'm turning into a vampire?"'
"'No, no, and no,' I told her.  'He doesn't have his teeth in.  He was just gumming you.'"

"Here's the thing I've noticed about Lula.  I've seen her when she's on a healthy eating plan, holding her calories down, I've seen her on ridiculous fad diets, and I've seen her when she eats everything in sight.  And so far as I can tell, her weight never changes."

"Fortunately for you I know the perfect cure for a pimple of that magnitude.  Sweaty gorilla sex.  Lots of it."

"We all went dead still, absorbing the fact that a large bear was loose in the Burg."

"'I'm not going,' Lula said.  'This job gets worse and worse.  Vampires and bears and big guys with boners.  Okay, so maybe I didn't mind the big guy with the boner so much.'"

"Maybe you want to think about getting a different job.  Something with better work conditions... like roach extermination or hazardous waste collection."

"A madman is sending me dead people, a crazy woman wants to run me over, I need to catch a guy who thinks he's a vampire, and I have the vordo."

Again, Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series usually is just more of the same but it sure can be a fun ride and fun to read.  Catching her novels about once a year is definitely the way to go.  Recommended for fans of the bumbling bounty hunter and those who like an easy, funny read.

Killing Floor

I was happy to have found "Killing Floor" (406 pages) by Lee Child at the used book store. I really enjoy the Jack Reacher novels by Child and I was very interested to see how the whole series started. It's been my experience that series of this nature are usually better the earlier. From Goodreads:

"Welcome to Margrave, Georgia — but don't get too attached to the townsfolk, who are either in on a giant conspiracy, or hurtling toward violent deaths, or both.

There's not much of a welcome for Jack Reacher, a casualty of the Army's peace dividend who's drifted into town idly looking for traces of a long dead black jazzman. Not only do the local cops arrest him for murder, but the chief of police turns eyewitness to place him on the scene, even though Reacher was getting on a bus in Tampa at the time. Two surprises follow: The murdered man wasn't the only victim, and he was Reacher's brother whom he hadn't seen in seven years. So Reacher, who so far hasn't had anything personal against the crooks who set him up for a weekend in the state pen at Warburton, clicks into overdrive.

Banking on the help of the only two people in Margrave he can trust — a Harvard-educated chief of detectives who hasn't been on the job long enough to be on the take, and a smart, scrappy officer who's taken him to her bed — he sets out methodically in his brother's footsteps, trying to figure out why his cellmate in Warburton, a panicky banker whose cell-phone number turned up in Joe's shoe, confessed to a murder he obviously didn't commit; trying to figure out why all the out-of-towners on Joe's list of recent contacts were as dead as he was; and trying to stop the local carnage or at least direct it in more positive ways. Though the testosterone flows as freely as printer's ink, Reacher is an unobtrusively sharp detective in his quieter moments — not that there are many of them to judge by.

Despite the crude, tough-naïf narration, debut novelist Child serves up a big, rangy plot, menace as palpable as a ticking bomb, and enough battered corpses to make an undertaker grin."

Another really good effort by Child but definitely not close to being the best in his prolific Jack Reacher series.  I appreciated reading Reacher's first "adventure" six months removed from the military and to see some flashes of the character I would get to know better a few more books into the series.  Oddly enough Reacher seemed to be a little more human in his debut story while still being just as lethal.  Though I understand his personal motivations for violence in the story, I thought it was a little over the top, even for someone as cold as Jack Reacher.  One could argue some of his actions throughout the novel bordered on homicidal, a character trait that luckily usually isn't present in other books by Child. 

A decent first outing to an otherwise fantastic series.  Recommended, "that's for damn sure," to use one of Jack Reacher's catch phrases.

Completely off topic, I hate the new Blogger interface...

Your Culture Will Adapt to Service Us!

Interesting building in Dallas I saw on Labor Day. All I could think was resistance is futile...

The Crossing

Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated, it's just been a busy time of year for some reason. Lots of traveling and coming home from Dallas with the plague has left me little time to do any reading. I finally finished "The Crossing" (426 pages) by Cormac McCarthy, a novel I've been working on for about a month. From Goodreads:

"Following All the Pretty Horses in Cormac McCarthy's Border Trilogy is a novel whose force of language is matched only by its breadth of experience and depth of thought.

In the bootheel of New Mexico hard on the frontier, Billy and Boyd Parham are just boys in the years before the Second World War, but on the cusp of unimaginable events. First comes a trespassing Indian and the dream of wolves running wild amongst the cattle lately brought onto the plain by settlers - this when all the wisdom of trappers has disappeared along with the trappers themselves. And so Billy sets forth at the age of sixteen on an unwitting journey into the souls of boys and animals and men. Having trapped a she-wolf he would restore to the mountains of Mexico, he is long gone and returns to find everything he left behind transformed utterly in his absence. Except his kid brother, Boyd, with whom he strikes out yet again to reclaim what is theirs thus crossing into 'that antique gaze from whence there could be no way back forever.'

An essential novel by any measure, The Crossing is luminous and appalling, a book that touches, stops, and starts the heart and mind at once."

I think the preview above from Goodreads pretty much sums up the "The Crossing" without giving too much away. I was expecting a direct sequel to "All the Pretty Horses" but was surprised by the new set of characters and situations presented here. The tone is certainly similar to McCarthy's first volume in the "Border Trilogy." From what I've read the third installment will bring together both stories. I'll definitely need to find "Cities of the Plain" soon to complete the trilogy.

McCarthy's work is beautifully lyrical. Haunting and romantic. Tragic. When his narrative hits hard it takes your breath away. The premise is simple, a crossing into Mexico and back again, a couple of times. Along the way the reader is treated to a vast array of characters, both good and not so good, who have their own perspectives and tales of their country. I cannot recommend McCarthy's work enough. Simplistic, yet engrossing. A true master of modern storytelling.

The Affair

Once again I find myself reading another Jack Reacher novel by Lee Child, easily read with all the distractions of traveling last week. "The Affair" (528 pages) is Child's most recently published work from late last year. From Goodreads:

"Everything starts somewhere. . . .

For elite military cop Jack Reacher, that somewhere was Carter Crossing, Mississippi, way back in 1997. A lonely railroad track. A crime scene. A coverup.

A young woman is dead, and solid evidence points to a soldier at a nearby military base. But that soldier has powerful friends in Washington.

Reacher is ordered undercover — to find out everything he can, to control the local police, and then to vanish. Reacher is a good soldier. But when he gets to Carter Crossing, he finds layers no one saw coming, and the investigation spins out of control.

Local sheriff Elizabeth Deveraux has a thirst for justice — and an appetite for secrets. Uncertain they can trust one another, Reacher and Deveraux reluctantly join forces. Reacher works to uncover the truth, while others try to bury it forever. The conspiracy threatens to shatter his faith in his mission, and turn him into a man to be feared."

The good:

I was little dubious going into this novel as it was another one of Child's retro Reacher stories, taking place in 1997. His other attempts at doing this fell a little flat with me. Luckily, I was pleasantly surprised with this read. Though it is set back in time many years it also explains how Jack Reacher became disenfranchised with the military and why he chose his lifestyle that he lives in more current stories.

As with most of Lee Child's books the mystery is usually entertaining with a few twists and turns. Moreover, Reacher is such a bad ass character that often the plot doesn't matter when he's involved. His sense of justice sometimes blurs the line with morality and this mostly is what makes him such an intriguing character.

The paperback version of "The Affair" that I read included a short story as well called "The Second Son," another Reacher story. I love bonus materials in books!

The bad:

There were a couple of areas of the book that were kind of hard for me to suspend my disbelief. Without spoiling anything, a trip by Reacher to the Pentagon and an encounter with a Senator comes to mind. While these unbelievable occurrences didn't ruin the story for me, it did knock it down in my estimation a bit.

I get it, Jack Reacher is a ladies man who always seems to get with a lady or two in his adventures. While that's fine I could have done without the three chapters dealing with his sexual escapades. Obviously I'm no prude but it just read and filtered into the story a little awkwardly, for me, like something out of a cheap romance novel.

The ugly:

Descriptive fight sequences. Sometimes just brutal.

Another solid effort by Child. Great characters with a decent plot makes for a must read for fans of Child and mystery/suspense novels. Recommended.

Tomorrow Night!!

House of Leaves

I think the reason I gave "House of Leaves" (705 pages) by Mark Z. Danielewski a read was based on all the bizarre reviews I read about it online. The people who said this novel was a mind fuck weren't kidding. From the jacket of the book:

"Years ago, when House of Leaves was first being passed around, it was nothing more than a badly bundled heap of paper, parts of which would occasionally surface on the Internet. No one could have anticipated the small but devoted following this terrifying story would soon command. Starting with an odd assortment of marginalized youth - musicians, tattoo artists, programmers, strippers, environmentalists, and adrenaline junkies - the book eventually made its way into the hands of older generations, who not only found themselves in those strangely arranged pages but also discovered a way back into the lives of their estranged children.

Now, for the first time, this astonishing novel is made available in book form, complete with the original colored words, vertical footnotes, and newly added second and third appendices.

The story remains unchanged, focusing on a young family that moves into a small home on Ash Tree Lane where they discover something is terribly wrong: their house is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside.

Of course, neither Pulitzer Prize-winning photojournalist Will Navidson nor his companion Karen Green was prepared to face the consequences of that impossibility, until the day their two little children wandered off and their voices eerily began to return another story - of creature darkness, of an ever-growing abyss behind a closet door, and of that unholy growl which soon enough would tear through their walls and consume all their dreams."

Yeah it's a weird premise to say the least and the structure of the novel is even weirder. When people asked me what the story is about I really have to pause and think hard on a reply. To put it the best I can, it's a thesis written by a blind man named Zampano about a documentary called "The Navidson Record" with an introduction and notes by a man named Johnny Truant. Truant found the collection of Zampano's notes and research after his death and put it all together as best he could and later their combined efforts were found and published. Whew.

"The Navidson Record" is really a fascinating story told from the view of mounted cameras in the Navidson house as well as their own personal logs captured via handheld cameras. Think something akin to "The Blair Witch Project" in book form but far more intriguing. Will Navidson and Karen Green settle down for a quite life in a Virgina neighborhood with their two kids, and Will, being a photojournalist, wants to document the transition. Soon after the move something is amiss as the inside of the house is slightly larger than the outside of the house, an impossibility. After much toil Navidson enlists the help of his brother and a college professor to solve their little "mystery." As the space within the house grows to cavernous proportions, even more help is enlisted by Navidson and his team in the form of three "explorers" who will enter the cavern and try to map and document the impossible addition to Navidson's home. Eventually all hell breaks loose endangering the entire expedition and the family. "The Navidson Record" is at times hilarious, mystifying, and down right terrifying.

Running along with Zampano's account of "The Navidson Record" is the story of Johnny Truant, his comments on what he reads concerning "The Navidson Record" as well as some lengthy additions on what is currently going on in his life. He documents his childhood, his habitual drug use and partying in Los Angeles with his friend as well as several sordid affairs with women he picks up. There's some pretty graphic sexual content in these bits. As "The Navidson Record" descends into madness so too does Truant start to change and apparently lose his mind. This could be the result of Traunt's extreme past, his current forays into sex and drugs, the effects of "The Navidson Receord," or just simply made up. His narrative, by his own admission, isn't very reliable.

Throughout the novel are hundreds of footnotes on sources that Zampano used for his research. Often times Truant commented on these footnotes and in return the editors of the book commented on Truant's footnotes. So at times you can move from the narrative to a footnote within a footnote within a footnote that points you to one of the three appendices at the end. At times I had to use multiple bookmarks to hold my place while I moved to varies different pages within the novel. At one point this is done with a chapter concerning labyrinths that flipping through the novel becomes a quest through a labyrinth of pages just to get back to where the reader left off. Very cleaver.

I hope my summary doesn't put anyone off checking out this novel as it really is engrossing, just hard to put in to words. What exactly is "The House of Leaves?" I'm not sure. A horror story, a thesis, even a love story? Yes and maybe more. It's definitely one of the hardest works I've read in a long time but the payoff was worth it even at its most frustrating moments. At times I laughed, at times I cried, and once I threw the book across the room. Interesting post-modern literature. Or maybe Danielewski was just being cute. Recommended.

"This is not for you."

Hannibal

Since I had read "Red Dragon" and "Hannibal Rising" fairly recently I thought I would go back and re-read "Hannibal" (486 pages) by Thomas Harris, a book I've owned since its release in 1999. From Goodreads:

"Invite Hannibal Lecter into the palace of your mind and be invited into his mind palace in turn. Note the similarities in yours and his, the high vaulted chambers of your dreams, the shadowed halls, the locked storerooms where you dare not go, the scrap of half-forgotten music, the muffled cries from behind a wall.

In one of the most eagerly anticipated literary events of the decade, Thomas Harris takes us once again into the mind of a killer, crafting a chilling portrait of insidiously evolving evil - a tour de force of psychological suspense.

Seven years have passed since Dr. Hannibal Lecter escaped from custody, seven years since FBI Special Agent Clarice Starling interviewed him in a maximum security hospital for the criminally insane. The doctor is still at large, pursuing his own ineffable interests, savoring the scents, the essences of an unguarded world. But Starling has never forgotten her encounters with Dr. Lecter, and the metallic rasp of his seldom-used voice still sounds in her dreams.

Mason Verger remembers Dr. Lecter, too, and is obsessed with revenge. He was Dr. Lecter's sixth victim, and he has survived to rule his own butcher's empire. From his respirator, Verger monitors every twitch in his worldwide web. Soon he sees that to draw the doctor, he must have the most exquisite and innocent-appearing bait; he must have what Dr. Lecter likes best."

The good:

I don't care what anyone says, I really enjoyed this novel both times I read it, second only to Harris' "Silence of the Lambs." Unsurprisingly there was a lot that I had forgot in my first reading more than a decade ago. Though the movie follows the novel very closely for the most part, the book adds quite a bit more particularly in its dealings with the Verger family. In fact Margot Verger is left out of the movie completely which is really a shame considering the impact she had on the story.

The novel, for me, moved at lightening speed in spite of the length and knowing what the conclusion would be. Chapters are short for the most part, clocking in at over 100, so the book can be put down and picked back up easily.

The middle of the novel, which takes place in Florence, is simply stunning. It kept me on the edge of my seat through its entirety, even knowing how events would turn out. If for no other reason I would recommend this novel just for these parts alone.

The bad:

I guess I should mention the ending, which seems to be the biggest beef with most readers of "Hannibal." Completely different from the movie, the ending takes a sudden turn which, admittedly, stretches the credibility of the characterization of Clarice Starling. It's the final chapter that really leaves the reader out on a limb to ponder just what the hell is going on with Starling. I think the movie did a much better job with the conclusion but the book didn't leave as bitter of a taste in my mouth as it seemingly did with most other readers.

The ugly:

Hannibal Lecter. Enough said.

Death by genetically mutated super pigs! That's how I want to go out.

Lobotomy dinner. Yummy.

Recommended for fans of suspense and horror. Despite his detractors I find Harris to be a highly readable novelist and I enjoyed his minimalistic style. Even with the controversial ending "Hannibal" is a great effort and a fantastic read.

I'd be curious to hear from others who've read "Hannibal," specifically their thoughts on the ending.

The More Things Change...

... the more they stay the same.

The Too Tired to Think Meme, Part 2

Another addition of Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

26. What type of errands do you like running?
None right now considering it's close to 110 degrees outside, and hotter than the hubs of hell.

27. Have you ever eaten snow?
Only for pleasure, not for survival.

28. What color are your bedsheets?
Right now they are maroon.

29. What’s your favorite flower?
Lillies or wild roses, I have one in my front yard, though it's a thorny bastard, it puts off a heavy fragrance.

30. Do you do ballet?
I've been to the ballet. In fact the last time I saw the Oklahoma City ballet they used canned music. Lame. I've never danced in that style.

31. Do you listen to classical music?
I do and I'm a big fan.

32. What is the first TV Theme song that pops in your head?
The theme from "Dallas."

33. Do you watch Sponge Bob?
No, not regularly but I've seen the show a few times.

34. What temperature is it outside right now?
104 degrees, probably 142 with the humidity.

35. Do people consider you smart?
Maybe a smart ass. I have a knack for remember inane bits of facts and trivia that probably doesn't endear me to anyone.

36. How many piercing do you have?
None, I used to have my ear pierced a million years ago but it has long since closed up. To quote George Carlin about men wearing earrings: "it's over!"

37. Are you signed on [to] AIM?
Nope. I have an accout but I never use it anymore.

38. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?
I think everyone has tried this at one time or another when they were a kid.

39. How do you feel about your family?
They're very awesome.

40. Do you have an iPod?
I do but I only use it when flying or mowing the lawn, well before the lawn burned up from the lack of rain.

41. What time do you go to bed?
It varies wildly. One night it could be 9PM and the next 4AM.

42. What CD is currently in your CD player?
A Shiny Toy Guns CD in my car.

43. What movie do you know every line to?
"Weird Science." I must have watched that movie a thousand times in Junior High School.

44. What is your favorite salad dressing?
It varies but in general Blue Cheese or 1,000 Island. I hate, hate, hate Ranch, and after working in restaurants I hate everyone that has to have a side of Ranch dressing to go along with everything they eat!

45. What do you want for Christmas this year?
A Nintendo 3DS unless I get one before then or perhaps an e-Reader.

46. What family member/friend lives the farthest from you? Where?
My friend Lindsay who lives in New York City off the top of my head.

47. Do you like hugs?
They're ok I guess.

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
I can't remember, probably watching an important football or basketball game.

49. What’s the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
It can't be done unless said person doesn't speak English or is illiterate.

50. Last person you hugged?
Your mom, after I left her money on the nightstand.

The Black Echo

I've been wanting to read the Hieronymus Bosch, not the painter, novels by Michael Connelly for some time. As luck would have it I happened upon the first book, "The Black Echo" (412 pages) in the series courtesy of my mother. For once I won't be starting a series somewhere in the middle. From Goodreads:

"For LAPD homicide cop Harry Bosch - hero, maverick, nighthawk - the body in the drainpipe at Mulholland Dam is more than another anonymous statistic. This one is personal.

The dead man, Billy Meadows, was a fellow Vietnam 'tunnel rat' who fought side by side with him in a nightmare underground war that brought them to the depths of hell. Now, Bosch is about to relive the horror of Nam. From a dangerous maze of blind alleys to a daring criminal heist beneath the city to the tortuous link that must be uncovered, his survival instincts will once again be tested to their limit.

Joining with an enigmatic and seductive female FBI agent, pitted against enemies inside his own department, Bosch must make the agonizing choice between justice and vengeance, as he tracks down a killer whose true face will shock him."

The good:

I really like the character of Harry Bosch, in spite of all the crime novel clichés. He's a grizzled, insomniac LAPD detective with a troubled early life. The book does a nice job of introducing Bosch and slowly putting the pieces together of his life and the reasons he is the way he is. Again, it's a cliché, but he does his work his own way and often isn't considered part of the LAPD "family." I'll be interested to see how he grows as I read more novels from the series.

Connelly is a very readable writer and his books always move at a fast clip. The story is decent enough here but nothing too thrilling as a large portion of it deals with a bank robbery, though it is intriguing how the robbery goes down. It took me a few days to get through the novel, which is kind of unusual for me with this kind of read. Hopefully further readings into the series will be a little more exciting. The novel is mostly redeemed toward the end with a clever twist I didn't really see coming.

Nighthawks by Edward Hopper. Go see it at the Art Institute of Chicago.

The bad:

Another book written in the early '90s. Pay phones and pagers to communicate, orange screen computers and snail mail to gather information. It's a wonder that good police work could be done, and swiftly, in such an age!

It's funny to read about all the places people could smoke in LA in 1992. Bosch is always lighting a cigarette and I'm sure it made me smoke a little more than usual while reading.

I disliked that the structure of the book was laid out in lengthy parts rather than chapters. It's just a personal taste but I like to lay down a book at the end of the chapter if necessary. Due to time constraints this wasn't always possible with this novel.

The ugly:

Being a "tunnel rat" in Vietnam. Smoking out spider holes is not a job I'd want or wish on anyone else.

In conclusion, "The Black Echo" is a decent enough story, though it is a little mediocre compared to the Connelly novels that I've read. I look forward to reading other books in the series and hopefully the stories will improve. Recommended to fans of the genre and the author.

Poor Mittens!

Willard Romney, trying to become only the second retarded President in U.S. history, really knows how to put his foot in it! I know, that statement is actually insulting to the developmentally disabled. The Rainbow Tour made its way to England where Romney had some unkind words about London hosting the 2012 Olympics:

"'You know, it's hard to know just how well it will turn out,' Romney told NBC. 'There are a few things that were disconcerting. The stories about the private security firm not having enough people, the supposed strike of the immigration and customs officials … that obviously is not something which is encouraging.'"

To which Prime Minister David Cameron (of the Conservative Party) responded:

"We are holding an Olympic Games in one of the busiest, most active, bustling cities anywhere in the world. Of course it's easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere."

Burn! Of course Romney back-pedaled on the issue when pressed further after an uproar in the London press, like he always does and always has his entire political career. What was meant as a visit to prove his chops at being nuanced at foreign policy has turned into another example of his buffoonery. The guy just can't catch a break. Too bad speaking is a required part of the job he's seeking, otherwise he might be a shoo-in.

I can't wait until the Presidential debates! Obama is going to mop the floor with this smarmy asshole. Though I think the election is going to be a nail biter. In a world where George W. Bush was elected twice (well once technically) anything is possible.

Link.

Drum Corps International

These are the last days of my core group of friends (more on that later)... Jackie, Dann, Mel, Matt, and Justin. Who else would travel to Edmond with me to see a bunch of marching bands?

Waiting Alone

The new Shiny Toy Guns video for their song "Waiting Alone." It's kind of a bizarre video, and toward the end a little bit violent. I'm liking the song though! I can't wait for the new album.

Seven Years and One Month

Yep, I totally missed my seven year blogiversery on the 24th last month. I'm a bad blogger these days and oddly enough I've had more time than ever for it not to be so. I just wanted to give a quick thanks to all the readers out there especially in what has been a pretty lean year of postings. Thanks again!

Click here to see how it all started...

Something to Bitch About

The best thing about having a blog is having a place on the Internets to rant! I had a few things to bitch about so I thought I would combine them into one blog posting:

Willard Romney and all his day one promises. Off the top of my head he's said that he's going to repeal the Affordable Care Act, end regulations on businesses, get tough with China, initiate tax cuts, and approve the Keystone Pipeline. I'm sure there's more that he's promised but I don't have an Etch A Sketch in front of me to predict the future.

What's allegedly off limits with Willard Romney. I'm tired of hearing from politicians and their surrogates what's off limits, or should be off limits during the Presidential campaign (Obama does this too). Apparently with the Romney campaign his tax records, his religion, and his work at Bain Capital should be off limits to scrutiny and attack. Really? So I guess all we have to put under the microscope for Romney is his work on the Winter Olympics (by the way, the U.S. Winter Olympic clothing was made in Burma) and his four years as Governor of Massachusetts, where his biggest legislative accomplishment is very similar to President Obama's biggest accomplishment, health care reform. What bugs me the most is the issue of his religion and the lack of discussion about it. Mormons are batshit crazy, though in fairness, I think most religions are batshit crazy anyways.

Adult Swim live action shows. In general I love Adult Swim at night on the Cartoon Network but the live action shows have got to go! Childrens Hospital, NTSF: SD: SUV::, Eagle Heart, and the ultimately craptastic Eric and Andre Show. Someone must be watching these shows as they're still getting produced but I just can't stomach them.

Everyone being outraged by Chick-fil-A. The news of their homophobia and overall douchebaggery is nothing new! This shitty company has been on my banned list for a long, long time. Oh and while we're at it, yay for the Muppets!

The Boy Scouts of America. Same as with Chick-fil-A.

New Leaf Florist. I had some flowers delivered to my house this morning which is a nice thing but damn if New Leaf Florist isn't persistent in getting them delivered. They banged very loudly on my door twice and called me twice at 8:30AM in an attempt to get me to the door. Just leave the delivery on the porch for Christ's sake! I was a little grumpy since I woke up in the middle of the night and didn't get back to sleep until around 5AM...

The gun control debate. Why is it that when we have some kind of gun shooting tragedy in this country it's always too early to talk about gun control and putting limits on the purchasing of ammunition? It's exactly the right time to have this debate! I'm all for rednecks owning their precious guns but I think it's time to talk (again) about limiting what kind of guns said rednecks should be able to purchase. I'm not sure the founding fathers ever intended the Second Amendment to include weapons that could release 100 rounds from a magazine in 30 seconds. I guess I could be wrong, I'll leave such discussion to the experts, like the NRA.

Rachael Ray. She's always on my list of things to bitch about. She's the spawn of Satan and must be stopped.

The Lord of the Rings

"Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."

I'm not sure why I never got around to reading "The Lord of the Rings" (1137 pages) by John Ronald Reuel Tolkien. I think when I was younger I was under the impression that the epic novel was some kind of difficult read, part of this may have been just based on the size of the volume alone. Later, having seen the movies I thought there probably wasn't much of a point. That, and I usually don't go for fantasy stories. Recently my friend Dann gave me a copy of the tome to read "in case I ever got bored." What seems like a year ago I reluctantly started the book just to see how it would be. I was pretty much hooked after a couple of pages. From the cover of the book:

"In ancient times the Rings of Power were crafted by the Elven-smiths, and Sauron, The Dark Lord, forged the One Ring, filling it with his own power so that he could rule all others. But the One Ring was taken from him, and though he sought it throughout Middle-earth, it remained lost to him. After many ages it fell, by chance, into the hands of the hobbit, Bilbo Baggins.

From his fastness in the Dark Tower of Mordor, Sauron's power spread far and wide. He gathered all the Great Rings to him, but ever he searched far and wide for the One Ring that would complete his dominion.

On his eleventy-first birthday Bilbo disappeared, bequeathing to his young cousin Frodo the Ruling Ring and a perilous quest - to journey across Middle-earth, deep into the shadow of the Dark Lord, and destroy the Ring by casting it into the Cracks of Doom. The Lord of the Rings tells of the great quest undertaken by Frodo and the Fellowship of the Ring: Gandalf the Wizard, Merry, Pippin, and Sam, Gimli the Dwarf, Legolas the Elf, Boromir of Gondor, and a tall, mysterious stranger called Strider."

The good:

Overall I really liked the tale presented here, though I knew from the movies the direction the story was going to take. Having said that, there is so much more that the story has to offer over the movie. Indeed complete sections of the book have been omitted from the movie much to my surprise and enjoyment. I found the book, in spite of it's ghastly length, to be quite readable, putting aside my earlier fears that this was a book to be feared.

I found many of my favorite parts of the story to be ones that were omitted or shortened by the needs of the movie. I really enjoyed reading and learning about Imrahil, Glorfindel, Beregond, and most of all Tom Bombadil. Specific chapters in the book that I really enjoyed and that were new to me involved the Old Forest and the Scouring of the Shire, especially the latter which really highlighted the growth and strength that the Hobbits had attained through their trials.

Lastly I loved how the book tied up all the multiple stories as it drew to its conclusion. Perhaps this was done even better than the movie "The Return of the King." I'll admit I had a few tears in my eyes as I laid the book down for the last time. On top of this there is much more information to be had after the conclusion in the form of many appendices. I really appreciated "Later Events Concerning the Members of the Fellowship of the Ring."

The bad:

There were some moments, particularly during parts of "The Two Towers" where pacing was a problem and I could feel my eye lids drooping from time to time. Tolkien creates a rich and colorful world but sometimes his descriptive skills were a little overkill. I wanted and expected a little more action than what was present and a little more in the way of conflict between the characters, at least initially in the part of "The Fellowship of the Ring." A minor quibble to be sure.

Often times fantasy novels of this type leave out strong female roles. This too is the case with "The Lord of the Rings." Arwen only mutters a few lines of dialogue in the entire book, Galadriel, whom I loved, is featured little unfortunately, and Éowyn has to hide and masculate (is that a word?) herself when she could have been strong without becoming, to all intents and purposes, a man. I guess the 1950s was a mans world, even in literature!

There are so many locals and characters mentioned in this book that I could understand how it could become overwhelming for a reader. Luckily, for myself, seeing the movies a few times helped me keep most everyone and every place in check.

The ugly:

Shelob!!

I'm really glad I took the time to read "The Lord of the Rings," indeed I'm kicking myself a little for taking so long. The story added many new and heavier layers that the movies omitted or shortened; however, there are some occasions where the movies have added new twists to an old story that were better than the book. Apples and oranges I suppose. For my part, seeing the movies first didn't hinder the enjoyment of the book one bit. I maybe wish that I had read the book in its three parts taking breaks in-between with other reads. Highly recommended to fans of fantasy and similar genres or fans of an epic yarn. I intend to read "The Hobbit" before the end of the year (and before the movie opens!).

The Too Tired to Think Meme, Part 1

If it's Sunday, it's Meet the Press... well, in my case it's Sunday Stealing.

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. You have 10 dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station. What do you get?
I'm not sure I could spend that much on "snacks" without grabbing a pack of smokes as well. Usually if I'm in a snacking mood at the quickie mart I'll grab a Dr. Pepper and a pack of Sour Skittles.

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
A Giant Squid. Then I could feed on sperm. Whales that is.

3. Who’s your favorite redhead?
Why Kathy Griffin of course! Of the people I actually know I'd have to say my bestie Kim.

4. What do you order when you’re at IHOP?
Usually biscuits and gravy with sausage, hash browns, and eggs, sometimes scrambled and sometimes over easy. If the pumpkin pancakes are in season I'll have those too!

5. Last book you read?
The Poet by Michael Connelly.

6. Describe your mood.
Devious.

7. Describe the last time you were injured.
Emotionally or physically?

8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Probably my friend Justin because he's one of the funniest people I know and he would definitely help pass the time until we were rescued. If we weren't going to be rescued I'd pick my friend Timmy. If I'd have to go cannibal it might as well be Asian for dinner.

9. Rock concert or symphony?
It really depends on the band or the orchestral composition. In general I'd say a rock concert.

10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone? The number? (We'll just say "hi" - promise.)
There is no wall paper on my phone. My number is 867-5309.

11. Favorite soda?
Dr. Pepper if caffeine is needed and Sierra Mist when it isn't needed.

12. What type of shirt are you wearing?
A muscle shirt.

13. If you could only use one form of transportation?
A train or subway. Unfortunately here in Oklahoma City I'd have to go with a car since our mass transportation is a joke.

14. Most recent movie you have watched in theater?
"The Dark Knight Rises."

15. Name an actor/actress/singer you have had the hots for.
Chris Pine.

16. What’s your favorite kind of cake?
Strawberry cake. I have a killer recipe, email me!

17. What did you have for dinner last night?
Blackened chicken diablo.

18. Look to your left, what do you see?
A framed movie poster. It's Peter Pan from its last theatrical release in the early '90s I believe.

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Not always but often.

20. Favorite toy as a child?
This is really hard. I'd have to go with legos or video games (Nintendo).

21. Do you buy your own groceries?
I hate to say it but usually not. I do a lot of pilfering from the RENTS (parents).

22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Of course! Everyone does it.

23. When was the last time you had gummy worms?
I couldn't say.

24. What’s your favorite fruit?
Probably grapes.

25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?
Not yet but I'll get right on that!

The Dark Knight Rises Impressions

So I got my butt out of bed early this morning to see "The Dark Knight Rises" with the RENTS (parents). I've been chomping at the bit to see the final installment in Christopher Nolan's trilogy, being a big fan of his previous two movies, "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight."

I was a little worried about seating as we got off to a late start leaving the house. Luckily the theatre was actually less than half full and we had our pick of seats. I couldn't help but wonder if recent events with the opening of the movie had something to do with the lack of people in seats. Or it could just be that the movie is showing on a hundred screens at the AMC. In any event it was definitely the least packed "blockbuster" I've seen on opening weekend this summer.

Right off the bat the movie picks up on events left over from "The Dark Knight" and also picks up threads from "Batman Begins" as well. It would be to the advantage of the viewer to screen the first two movies before watching "The Dark Knight Rises" to get a complete picture of what's going on. Having said that I think the movie can pretty much stand alone if necessary.

For anyone who hasn't heard, the movie is 18 hours long. I compensated by slowly sipping my small Coke throughout the movie. Too bad I couldn't get an extra small Coke for twenty-five cents less (thanks Futurama!). I learned my lesson after viewing "The Amazing Spiderman," nearly drowning in my own piss by the end of the movie, not a pleasant feeling.

Once again Nolan did a great job with directing. Everything from the actors to the locations were as realistic as could be considering this is a comic book movie. I was most surprised by the superb job of Anne Hathaway playing Selina Kyle, a casting choice I thought was dubious initially. In fact she was one of my favorite characters in the whole production among a fantastic cast.

One of the few complaints I would have about the movie was the character Bane. I love Tom Hardy's acting and the character he played in general but I had a really hard time understanding what he was saying throughout the movie. Fortunately this seemed to get better toward the latter half of the film. "The Dark Knight Rises" won't be winning any awards for sound editing.

In conclusion, a fantastic last outing for the "Dark Knight Trilogy." Full of action with a decent story that ties up some loose ends and takes the viewer for a couple of appreciated twists and turns. The series ends well on an emotional high note that I didn't see coming. Go see this movie! I would rate it as my favorite in the trilogy followed by "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight." My favorite popcorn flick of the summer. A-

Fuck Rep. Louie Gohmert

"Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) said Friday that the shootings that took place in an Aurora, Colo. movie theater hours earlier were a result of 'ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs' and questioned why nobody else in the theater had a gun to take down the shooter."

Wait, what??

Link.

How can the people of the 1st Congressional District of Texas stomach this asshole?

Let the politicization of mass murder begin!

It never ceases to amaze me what people will say on the heels of a tragedy of this kind. Indeed a friend of mine on Facespace said something similar: "Too bad there wasn't someone at that theatre with a concealed carry permit. How many lives could have been saved?" Or how many more people could have been injured or killed in a shootout in a confined space?

What I want to know is why anyone would need an AR-15 assault rifle to begin with and how said person could access a movie theatre so easily?

Tragic and disgusting.

EDIT:

Another nugget from an online "friend":

"Another rampant shooting in Colorado. Wasn't Columbine enough? Prayers and condolences to the families and victims of that fatal tragedy♥ This country has become so desensitized by video game and movie violence, that it doesn't realize that even a PH.D. student like James Holmes can be demoralized by it."

My response:

"Is this a joke? Video game and movie violence is to blame for this disgusting mass murder? The guy is a psychopath and I'm sure he had other problems besides playing Resident Evil or watching rated R movies. And why would being a PHD student raise your estimation of him? People should really think before they 'speak.'"